Trauma: The Addiction Prison - A Poem
By Hassan Aden
Poetry has always been my first love; for us, it was love at sight. On this blog, I will be sharing my poems as a way of marking the sands of time. Each piece captures exactly how I felt at a particular moment, which is why I always note the date the inspiration poured out of me.
On a personal level, 2024 was a monumental year filled with significant challenges—the kind I would not wish on my worst enemy. It marked the end of an era and foreshadowed the next chapter of my life. It was a baptism of fire that I did not want, but it was a necessary part of my unfolding journey. Looking back now, it is the very experience that helped me metamorphose from a caterpillar into a butterfly.
Through my trauma recovery, I gained a powerful insight: the reason it is so difficult to heal from trauma is because its mechanism of action is addiction. Just as cancer uses a tumour to grow, trauma uses addiction to keep us trapped. Throughout this process, I have kept a voice and written journal to capture the ups, lows, and in-between moments of my recovery. Today, I am sharing one of those raw moments from July 2024, when I wrote this poem.
Trauma: The Addiction Prison
Hassan Aden - July 2024
I feel numb
I made myself numb
I did so on purpose
I did so for a purpose
To avoid acting on my purpose
I feel numb
I self sabotaged
I am outraged
I am enraged
I did so to stay caged
To avoid acting on my purpose
I feel numb
I am energy depleted
I have again self defeated
I have retreated
I have to my addiction again conceded
I ask myself why, oh why
Do I keep coming back after I said bye?
And for the last time, goodbye
I do not want to rely
On what you supply
Or hear your reply
And I refuse to comply
Because everything you say is a lie
With a sweet and soft reply
My addiction said, "My dear, do not cry
I am your guy
I have plenty of supply
You don't even need to buy
Just try
I promise it will help you get dry
It will help you get high
And fly
And touch the sky"
Feeling pain, alone, and low
I say again, hello
My hand and heart in a shadow
And feeling slow
I know
This is a massive blow
I am overwhelmed with snow
I am too weak to say no
I again get high
I fly
And touch the sky
I hit the ground and fry
I again cry
I say I hate myself
I say I can't trust myself
I say I can't believe myself
I say I am not in charge of myself
A voice says, "I am your guy
I am always here for you"
